I Do Like A Plan!

December 18, 2025 / fgrtommo / 2 Comments

One of the things that occasionally frustrates Jane, my wife, is how I love to stick to routines. I’m not good with the unpredictable and the unexpected. Surprise visitors, sudden changes to imminent diary dates, unbidden moves of items from one storage location to another, furniture moves, unnecessary changes to mobile phone features; all tend to cause me more anxiety than they should, especially as they are trivial first-world problems and my wife loves them all.

I think that my craving for plans to achieve calm routines is why my career went best when I was in operational information technology. There, the reliability of day-to-day computer services is critical. Having computer services working smoothly day after day was a key aim – not least because running computer services is cheaper that way. Changes had to be managed very carefully and if an anomaly happened then all efforts were made to ensure they didn’t happen again. Plans and routine were lovely then and I still hanker for them.

Fortunately, especially since my retirement, my wife jolts me out of this way of being so I am forced to stay on my toes. She will be the one to suggest that we go to a different pub for our usual Sunday pint and crossword. She will change the drawer contents around in the kitchen so I can’t find anything for a few days. She will poke me into holidays and outings. I think I am better at embracing, and even instigating, change than before – for example, my cooking skills and bravery are vastly improved from a few years ago – but it is my wife who tends to really try new things.

Of course, external events also push me off my routine and disrupt our plans. COVID almost derailed our family Christmas in 2020 and it did ultimately erase our plans to walk the North Devon/Cornwall Coastal Path earlier that year. The weather has also intervened to prevent or near-ruin other holidays in the past.

*^{Opening The Bedroom Blinds To The Sort Of Winter Sunrise And Weather I Like!}*

Increasingly too, as I get older, I’m conscious that health issues can mess up the best laid plans and prevent implementation of my normal routines. For example, I hate it when an arthritic joint prevents me from walking comfortably into town to get the newspaper and daily shopping. Last month, the blow up of my ankle problem took me off my feet for a few days and this month, a bout of orbital cellulitis (an infection of the tissue around the eyes) did the same. Anyone would be annoyed at these unplanned health issues but I feel my anxiety about them is amplified somehow by my feeling of missing out on my usual pattern of life.

Those ‘outages’, as we called computer service failures in my working life, help me appreciate the days when I can just get on with the routine and think about plans relatively proactively and calmly. ‘Seize the day’ as Jane often tells me. I need to do that more.

The bones of our plans for Christmas and the New Year are pretty much in place and, while weather and health may, of course, disrupt them, I’m very happy with what is in store. We kick off with carols in a local church then dinner at ours with Jane’s siblings. Then Christmas Day will be with Second Grandchild (SG), his parents and his other grandparent. SG is a very happy little boy by nature and I can imagine he is going to be beside himself with Christmas cheer – while not yet fully understanding many of the related concepts.

Boxing Day will be just Jane and I – for the first time ever, I think, we will be on our own. I am hoping for a sunny, crisp, wintery day and a long walk to a local pub for a leisurely lunch.

*^{Winter Sunset At Ruskin Mill (Jane’s Photo)}*

Then we are off to Belfast to see Youngest Son and his wife. To round out the family tour, we are then in Edinburgh for four weeks during which another Scottish grandchild should arrive.

We were last in Edinburgh for First Grandchild’s (FG) fourth birthday. As usual, we had a great time as we mixed family socials with art and nature. Eldest Son and his wife always provide amazing hospitality and it was lovely to see how FG had developed since we last saw him in the summer. His sense of fun combined with his determination and focus on detail were brought out by some of the presents he got for his birthday. It is clear that he is going to love ‘LEGO®’!

The Water Of Leith - Very Full During Our November Visit to Edinburgh — *^{The Water Of Leith – Very Full During Our November Visit to Edinburgh}*

The arrival of FG’s new sibling in January is going to colour, enliven and warm our visit next year. We had hoped to repeat what we did early in 2025 (without, this time, Jane breaking her shoulder!) but the flat we had rented then and booked for this visit was unexpectedly withdrawn from Airbnb last week – a very irritating imposed change of plan!

We have rebooked elsewhere (inevitably at a higher cost….) and are looking forward to our time in Edinburgh enormously. We just need to complete the plans for our schedule of trips, restaurants and art intake for the time we are there. I do like a plan!

Friends

October 8, 2025 / fgrtommo / 5 Comments

A couple of recent events have got me thinking about friends. Friendship is a nebulous and sometimes transitory thing. I looked up a definition on Wikipedia:

Friendship is a relationship of mutual affection between people. It is a stronger form of interpersonal bond than an “acquaintance” or an “association”, such as a classmate, neighbour, coworker, or colleague.

Although there are many forms of friendship, certain features are common to many such bonds, such as choosing to be with one another, enjoying time spent together, and being able to engage in a positive and supportive role to one another.

Using that definition, I can see that I have been fortunate and have had a lot of friends in my life. I’ve been supported by, and enjoyed time with, friends at school, university, work and, now, in retirement. I have not felt the need for a lot of friends at any one time. I seem to prefer relatively deep friendships with a few rather than broad but shallower relationships with many.

Painting Depicting Friendship By Samuel Peploe (Scottish Colourist We Encountered In an Exhibition Of Scottish Colourists Earlier This Year) — *^{Painting Depicting Friendship By Samuel Peploe (Scottish Colourist We Encountered In An Exhibition at Dovecot Studios, Edinburgh Earlier This Year)}*

Having said that, two of my biggest life regrets are to have failed to keep in touch with any school friends and not making the most of a network of colleagues at work. I would like to know what some of my best mates at school are doing with their lives now and whether we still have things in common. And putting more effort into maintaining a network of work colleagues would have made my life in jobs, and between jobs, a little easier and, perhaps, more rewarding.

Two of my four main friends at university have died recently. The preparation for and conduct of a memorial service for one of these a few weeks ago, has been one of the events that has got me contemplating the value and meaning of friendship. Indeed, these deaths got me thinking more about mortality as well as friendship.

The remaining two best friends from my university era and I got together in London for lunch and a few beers to discuss our prospective speeches at our friend’s memorial service. There was a lot of catching up on what we were each doing, a bit of nostalgia and many funny reminiscences. But what struck me most was that, despite not meeting either of these guys for many months, we slipped into a shared history and conversation as if we talked together all the time.

We have been in contact with each other with varying degrees of intensity over 50 years and there have been many events together over that time. However, the other surprising thing for me was how much of that shared experience I have forgotten. As the old stories came out over the drinks, I could have sworn that I hadn’t been at several of the occasions that were being recalled. But the photos did not lie; I was usually there!

The memorial service itself was in Oxford. Jane and I were able to spend a very pleasant morning there before the memorial ceremony. Oxford centre was busy with tourists and a fresh batch of students. In a bit of free time, I visited the site of the old castle – a large mound next to the newer castle but one without good views across the city as I had hoped. I also strolled out of the crowds along the Oxford and Coventry canal and then through the pretty and interesting area of Oxford called Jericho. I had a very calming hour or so.

The ceremony in the Oxford Friends Meeting House was moving and the speeches (including my short one I think) were well received. Then we adjourned briefly to a packed pub and continued some of the reminiscences and the catching up with current lives. The whole process was very friendship affirming even though we had just lost a very good friend.

Post Memorial Service Catching Up — *^{Post-Memorial Service Catching Up}*

It’s been harder to keep up friendships with people I met during my 30 or so years in London since I moved completely out of the city a few years after retirement. I managed to stay in touch with a small group of friends in London who met every few months to work our way through the alphabet of cuisines. I made it to most of those sessions but they came to a natural end once we reached ‘Z’. I’ll need to redouble efforts to stay in touch with the participants.

Meanwhile, I have invested time in building up a new friendship group in and around our local village. And yes, building friendships does take effort and time. I have been lucky after moving to Gloucestershire post-retirement in that this is Jane, my wife’s, home territory. She has a large network of friends here and that provided a ready-made group of acquaintances.

Also, many of her family are based nearby. And, of course, family can be friends even though, apart from one’s partner, they are not chosen. Jane’s sister has recently moved to the local area and I’m looking forward to getting to know her and her husband a lot better as we become able to meet up more often. Plus, one of the things I am continually thankful for is that the relationships I have with my sons and their partners is akin to great friendships; I feel we both get on very well with them all.

My strongest local friendships have been built through my personal involvement in the local football team (Forest Green Rovers) and village events including Parish Council meetings, the Village Fete and Festival, the Pub Quiz and Crawl and, especially, the village’s Horsley Climate Action Network. These friendships may not have the longevity of some from my education or working life but they are some of the best.

Variable Weather During Prep For This Year's Village Fete — *^{Variable Weather During Prep For This Year’s Village Fete}*

This leads me onto the second recent event that got me thinking about friendship.

I am a frequent attendee at the local Talk Club (a session for men who generally don’t talk about feelings much, to talk about feelings). When this was on pause two summers ago, one of the other attendees and I decided that we would continue meeting up on walks. We would use these to keep tabs on each other thoughts and feelings and provide any support we could while enjoying the countryside, keeping our fitness up and providing custom to a few of the local pubs. That continued until my friend needed to go into hospital to have a fairly major operation.

*^{Peaceful, Sunny Scene On The Walk To A Friend}*

A month or so after that, I walked over to his neighbouring village to see him. It was a beautiful sunny day and a long leisurely walk. On the way, I was struck by how much I had missed him and had enjoyed our chats. Even after almost 70 years of making friends (and losing them again), it is still possible – indeed, easy – to make and maintain friends if one puts in the time and effort and are lucky enough to find people who are open, who listen as well as talk, and are fun to be with.

Family Holiday In Italy

September 22, 2024 / fgrtommo / 1 Comment

Jane and I, our three sons, their wives/fiancées and our two grandchildren all made our way to a rather splendid villa in Italy for what turned out to be a wonderful holiday; all that I had hoped for and more.

*^{The Dramatic First View Of Our Holiday Villa As We Arrived}*

Getting everyone together for a family holiday for the first time like that was a feat of flexibility on the part of those, unlike me, who are still managing careers. It also involved precise scheduling and effective logistics including three hire cars, enterprising use of car boot space, and multiple airports and pick up points. I felt very privileged and lucky that we could manage it.

We stayed in a villa near Lake Bolsena, about 90 minutes north of Rome (where, at the end of the holiday, Jane and I, plus Youngest Son and fiancée, went to the wedding of one of Jane’s nieces). The villa was in a very rural, rather remote setting overlooking an ancient volcanic caldera and Lake Bolsena within that. It was an elegant, comfortable and well-equipped villa. Importantly, for the relative youngsters and, especially, the grandchildren, it had a substantial swimming pool.

*^{The Evening View From Our Terrace With Lake Bolsena In The Distance}*

We had every breakfast and evening meal at the villa. The group included excellent cooks and baristas plus willing clearer-uppers afterwards. I barely got a look in on either aspect but took responsibility for the recycling and most of the considerable waste disposal. Despite the local market and supermarkets being a little disappointing we ate extremely well and the bottles and cans recycling bins were repeatedly overflowing.

*^{Catching Stray Wildlife In The Pool}*

Orvieto was about an hour’s drive away and is perched on the top of a prehistoric volcanic plug. We had been there when our children were very young but while memories fade, of course, the key visitor sites were unchanged. Given we visited the city just out of prime tourist season this time, the crowds felt substantial. However, as ever, a few yards away from the main tourist routes, the streets were quiet and picturesque.

*^{Quiet Orvieto Square In Front Of The Church of Sant Andrea And A 12-sided Tower}*

After a very good lunch with the grandchildren and their parents, Jane and I left the group to visit Orvieto Cathedral which dominates the city and which can be seen from many miles away. The façade is wonderfully preserved and impressive. The other walls are also memorable – both inside and out – since they, and the internal columns supporting the roof, are unusually, horizontally striped with alternate layers of basalt and travertine. It was great to be able to visit and remember it again.

We visited a few of the smaller towns around Lake Bolsena. Now edging beyond the tourist season, some of these reflected what we have read about small rural Mediterranean villages gradually emptying out and becoming inactive backwaters. Our closest town was Grotte Di Castro. It is beautifully (but seemingly precariously) situated on a high ridge; of course, these hill-top towns are two-a-penny in much of Italy but even so it seemed surprisingly quiet and there were a lot of ‘For Sale’ signs.

Montefiascone on the opposite side of Lake Bolsena was bigger and busier. It too had wonderful hill top vistas and inviting alleys and cobbled streets. Their steps and sharp inclines challenged my currently dodgy left knee but I think the exercise did it good. While in the town, we were lucky to avoid the storms that seemed to be gathering all around us and, having failed – not for the first time – to find a restaurant both open and selling pizza before sundown, we headed back to our villa via Bolsena.

*^{Stormy Weather Over Montefiascone With Views Of Lake Bolsena and Cattedrale Di Santa Margherita}*

The town of Bolsena was much closer to our villa and did offer takeaway pizza during the day. We sampled that with First Grandchild (FG) in mind couple of times since he had said a few weeks before that pizza was what he was looking forward to most about the holiday. In the end, I think we were more concerned about tracking down pizza than he was.

Bolsena is another attractive town perched on a volcanic outcrop. Several of us had a good lunch in a restaurant adjacent to the lake. While FG played with a new remote-control toy, several of us took turns to take very pleasant strolls down a street lined with huge plane trees and up through its pedestrianised alleys to the castle and main church. From the top of the town there were broad views of the Lake Bolsena, its islands and the surrounding ridges. Second Grandchild (SG) was entertainable, calm and happy (as usual), FG had his new toy, and we all had a relaxed time in the town.

Lake Bolsena is the largest volcanic lake in Europe and there was volcanic activity within it as little as 2,000 years ago. With it being so close to our villa, a swim in its waters was on the holiday agenda for many (but not me; I really don’t like getting wet!) SG and his Dad also missed out because it was nap-time but the rest of the group had a boisterous time in the water. FG loved the water and all the splashing with his Granny, Mum, Dad, aunts and uncles. I took charge of capturing the action on camera with the big sky and gorgeous landscape around the lake in the background.

*^{Frolics In Lake Bolsena Under A Lovely Blue Sky}*

Much more swimming, splashing and fun and games were done at our villa. It was lovely to see both grandchildren ignoring the coolness of the water and just loving every moment in it. I also loved the opportunity to take both of them around the villa on little walks. FG is old enough now to appreciate nature and we had lots of lizards, millipedes and ants to observe and blackberries to eat on our ‘adventures’ (as he called them).

And then it was time for us to leave all this fun and conviviality. It had been so good to see everyone enjoy the holiday with its mix of group and separate activity, the games, the food and drink and the diverse chat. I hope we can repeat the model again but practicalities may intervene to prevent that so, for now, I am just going to continue to soak up the happy memories.

Horsley Unwrapped

March 9, 2024 / fgrtommo / Leave a comment

The Horsley Festival – subtitled ‘Horsley Community and Culture Unwrapped’ – was substantial triumph. The events that comprised the festival included concerts, art exhibitions, craft workshops, poetry recitals, storytelling, wildlife walks and dance workshops. These events were presented very professionally in a brochure and on a dedicated Horsley Unwrapped website. All of the events were very well attended – indeed, most were fully booked up – and all the events I went to were even better than I expected. It was an incredible achievement for a village of about 300 households.

*_{Ruskin Mill Valley Near Horsley, Gloucestershire}*

My wife, Jane, was on the steering committee. This was chaired by the brainchild and prime organizer of the event – a friend of ours and a real hero who must have worked almost full time on the festival for weeks and who was incredibly busy during and, especially, between the events!

^{The ‘Inspire’ Art Exhibition Organised By Jane Including Works By Children At The Local School (bottom right) and Works By International Artists (bottom left) – A Diverse Mix!}

Jane was responsible for the central art exhibition which kicked off the festival. It was a significant effort to organize about 25 local artists so that information about their work, and the works themselves, were available on time, and that those works taken away promptly at the end. There were also trials and tribulations associated with ensuring that large display boards and plinths were procured, restored and erected safely and in time. The result, though, was much-praised and Jane was very happy with its success.

*_{Some Of The Art Works – By Local Artists Maisie Meredith, Jo Hofman And Kim Roberts}*

As well as the art exhibition and the associated opening ceremony, I attended a variety of other events. There were three music concerts during the nine days of the festival which framed the talents of three solo musicians and eight bands from the local area. Horsley has attracted a large number of artists and musicians over the years and the quality on show was terrific.

*_{Closing The Festival: The Village Concert Starring The Elastic Band, Diana Yukawa, Bill Roberts, Solskin And Hawkmoth}*

There was a lot of dancing – including some rather chaotic but very amusing line dancing which Jane enjoyed. However, the music I liked best was a set of haunting violin-based music by Diana Yukawa. We have listened to and enjoyed music by this international performer at home before. Even in a rather ordinary village hall, and in front of her very proud looking daughters, her performance was very moving and memorable.

Listening And Dancing To The Bagelites, Kinvara And Spiracy

The three wildlife walks with the Chair of the Gloucestershire Wildlife Trust, who lives just down the road from us, were booked up very quickly; too quickly for me to get a place. However, I did manage to get on a tour of the main Ruskin Mill College buildings and workshops in the valley I walk through frequently on my way into town.

The valley itself is very familiar to me but an introductory presentation on the way the restoration of the old mill and fisheries has taken place over the last 30 years provided fascinating, new information. We were given a little book describing the history and values of the Ruskin Mill Trust and the way it provides specialist education for teenagers and adults with complex needs.

The college values are inspired by those of Victorian architect and artist, John Ruskin. I have been interested in him, and William Blake who lived a little earlier but shared similar views, for quite a long time. Both of them were keen to revive traditional craftwork amid the mass production of the Industrial Revolution. Ruskin’s interest in that is reflected in some of the workshops that now enable students at Ruskin Mill College to learn rural crafts such as pottery, ironworking, trout farming and woodworking.

Our visits to the fish hatchery, woodworking centre and the forge (with its three forges showing Iron Age, Medieval an Edwardian methods) were enlightening. The demonstrations of blacksmithery and wood turning were eye-opening.

*_{Tour Of Ruskin Mill, The College Forge And Greenwood Workshop}*

The tour was crowned with a visit to the college staff art exhibition and delicious, homemade pizzas made in the college pizza oven; very nice!

*_{Ruskin Mill Staff Exhibition: Some Gorgeous Wooden Spoons By Richard Turley}*

Another highlight for me during the festival was an ‘in conversation’ session with four local, young artists that was facilitated by a good friend of ours. The artists were a commercial film maker working in the advertising world (in a similar but bigger way to that of our Youngest Son), a photographer, a storyteller and a maker of naturally dyed textiles. The latter, Maisie Meredith, is someone I know a little and her work, including a beautiful booklet, is a brave, direct response to her personal issues with endometriosis.

The artists described their work, approach and way of working. That was very interesting and the dynamic as they asked each other questions and reinforced or developed each other’s points was refreshing.

*_{Local Young Creatives ‘In Conversation’}*

The point when the storyteller, Hannah Moore, told a brief story to illustrate the way she used stories to facilitate restorative justice – the process of getting criminals to talk with their victims to reach some point of closure following a crime – was my best moment of the festival. It was matched a few minutes later when she told another story, impromptu but masterfully, in response to a question from the audience about the possibilities of using storytelling to resolve wider conflicts such as wars.

I should mention too that the All-Comers Darts event I organised in a small corner of the less serious end of the festival, went very well. We had he right number of participants for an event where no-one had much darts skill but where all improved over the course of 90 minutes. We all had a lot of laughs and fun. I almost won! That was a reflection of the low quality of dart throwing on display (the pub darts team was playing away from home that night) but encouragement enough to get me thinking of organising a village darts ladder.

We will see….. but whether I do or not, the Horsley Festival has left a legacy of fond memories, reminders of past cultural events – some of which were well before our time in the village – and a momentum that may result in future, similar events. It has also enabled new personal connections between the residents and I, for one, have strengthened or initiated new relationships. I know Jane has strengthened and made many more.

*_{Jane Walking Through Mist And Sun In Horsley}*

Since retirement I have embedded myself into this little Gloucestershire village and, over the last couple of years, for the first time, have felt as though I am a proper, full part of a local community. When we ‘downsize’ again and move out (timescales yet to be agreed), we will miss Horsley hugely.

Darn It!

January 28, 2024January 28, 2024 / fgrtommo / 2 Comments

One of my New Year resolutions was to do more creative things. I think I have met that challenge, albeit rather mundanely this month, by darning several pairs of socks. I had bought the materials to do this some time ago but had left them languishing in a drawer. I got them out again and followed a YouTube video showing me how to bring a bunch of socks back to life. I admit that the holes were quite small and the finished products are not works of art, but I was proud of myself for doing it rather than just throwing the socks away and buying new ones.

^{Not Beautiful But Newly Functional}

My wife Jane has also been darning and even went on a workshop to facilitate more complex darning processes than I had attempted. Her main output was a repaired soft toy – called ‘Robert’ apparently – that my late mother had knitted for our Middle Son (MS) and which he still remembers adoring as a small child. MS and his fiancé are expecting a baby in March and, touchingly, MS wanted the baby to have a smartened up ‘Robert’ for his or her nursery. As with my socks, the repairs are, fashionably I’m told, very visible. Hopefully, both socks and ‘Robert’ will have a new lease of life.

*^{‘Robert’. 30 Years Old And Going Strong. Thanks Mum!}*

Most of my other New Year Resolutions have started well. I’ve been walking a lot, watching my weight and my alcohol intake, and have countered my fear of average, lukewarm coffee by going to a cafe with Jane when she has requested (only once so far). I’ve reduced my intake of the miserable world news a bit. I’ve also remembered to do my back exercises on most days and although they are limited, they are also pain free. While doing them, I have enjoyed remembering that these exercises weren’t really possible a year ago after I put my back out with an unexpected, untimely and big sneeze; that’s good progress.

Only the gardening resolution is untouched but, so far in January, the weather has been either too cold and frosty (lovely to walk in), too windy or too rainy. Climate chaos certainly seems to be producing very varied winter weather and convenient excuses not to get out working in the garden.

^{Frosty Mornings On The Way Into Town}

In the last two or three weeks, there has been plenty of cloudless sky in between the storms. Jane and I had a lovely walk through some woods on the other side of the Stroud Five Valleys from our home. Lack of parking places forced us to alter our plans slightly but it is always rewarding to find new places to stroll through and the Five Valleys are blessed with a vast network of well-tended footpaths.

*^{Striding Through Sunlit Oldhills Woods On The Chalford Biodiversity Trail}*

I have revisited some of the long walks around our village for the first time for months. I’ve loved these sunny walks, their views and their solitariness and the time they give me to think (but not about very much). The frozen ground meant there were no worries about the mud and the mix of bright sun and deep frost everywhere has been spectacular at times.

*^{I Love This Old Barn Complex. I Hadn’t Been Past It For Ages}*

Some of the recent winter sunrises have been spectacular too.

Spring is on its way. I often find upcoming February is the toughest month to negotiate; I get impatient for the ever longer days and daunted by the amount of work there is to do to prepare the garden for planting. Darn it, perhaps I should have focused a little less on mending socks in recent days, and a little more on gardening so as to have got ahead of tasks on the vegetable patch and in the field. Even in retirement, time is too short.

Belfast Christmas

December 31, 2023December 31, 2023 / fgrtommo / 2 Comments

Christmas in Belfast started at a furious pace. Youngest Son (YS) picked us up from George Best City Airport and whisked us off to an Asian small-plates restaurant in the centre of town called Yugo. We had an early, swift and tasty dinner there before zooming off again to traditional Irish bar in the old docklands, The American Bar. Here, we met up with YS’s future parents-in-law and had a catch-up chat while staying well out of the way of the regulars who seemed very proprietorial about their seats at the bar.

Then we crossed the road to the Dockers Club for a gig by George Houston who was an excellent warm up act for Joshua Burnside. Both artists were amusing between the enlivening music and they both had songs with interesting lyrics.

It was a great venue; apparently the gig was sold out but it wasn’t too crowded. The acoustics were great. I could make out all the words of the songs as long as I didn’t stand behind the enthusiastic woman who thought she knew them all and thought we’d benefit from bellowing them out. Plus, the Guiness was creamy and proper. Seeing a gig in such a lively, functional venue was a real treat.

It was interesting to see YS and his fiancé bumping into several acquaintances and friends. Belfast is small compared to London where meeting up at a gig would be unlikely unless planned in advance. It is clear that YS’s partner has a huge network of friendships in Belfast through living in the city through her youth and, now, through her work as an osteopath and as a Pilates and yoga teacher. It is great to see how settled – and successful – they have become in Belfast.

It was late by the time we got back to their house and Reggie, their one-year-old dog was suffering cabin fever and then overexcitement as we walked in. Let’s just say he had an unsettled night of whining and moaning…. To be fair, he was very quiet on the other nights of our stay and he has settled down a lot since we last saw him in Spring. He no longer chews the furniture and stairs – though his history of this remains evident – and he is a very gentle dog whose only anxiety seems to be worry that everyone in his ‘family’ are close by. I’m looking forward to even more maturity by the next time we visit.

After that exciting first evening, the pace slowed and became very relaxing. YS loves a bit of technology and he has a huge telly with surround-sound in one room and a (pretty awesome) projector in another. That meant that while YS and I could watch football in one room, his partner and Jane could watch a stream of Christmas holiday movies in the other. The latter included Bernard and the Genie which we all watched. I hadn’t seen it since our sons were very young and was surprised that, amid the hilarity, some bits are amusingly inappropriate for the young.

We played games. YS won at HeckMeck as usual but Jane and I were dominant during my first exposure to Articulate! We had a hoot with that! I was less good at Jenga 😊

^{Ormeau’s Bread and Banjo Bakery – ExcellentAnd The Best We Have Found In Belfast So Far}

We ventured out to the independent shops in the local Ormeau area primarily to get some very good bread and bagels. Then, for the first time, we visited Lisburn Road, which also has an attractive range of shops, and picked up sherry and some interesting wine.

*^{Maven – A Cool Home Decoration Shop In Lisburn Road}*

I dipped out of some of the perusal of shops to walk through pleasant but wintery Ormeau Park. That enabled me to get exercise sufficient to enable conscience-free consumption later

*^{Carved In A Tree Stump With A Chainsaw By Hazy In Ormeau Park}*

On Christmas Eve we had a lovely walk along the Lagan River and into the woods near the Stanmillis Sluice Gates.

*^{Stranmillis Sluice Gate On The River Lagan}*

On Christmas Day we strolled through the Botanical Gardens and past the Queens University Sports Hall. There is a surprisingly large amount of interesting green space near to the dense but attractive residential housing of Ormeau – much needed with a dog as big and energetic as Reggie.

On Boxing Day, the weather was excellent in the morning and YS insisted that we fulfil what is becoming a tradition when we visit him in Belfast: a sunrise walk on a beach. Fortunately, its winter so the need to see the sunrise was less demanding on our sleep patterns than in the past.

*^{Just Before Sunrise – Helens Bay, Belfast}*

We went to Helen’s Bay and Crawfordsburn Country Park and it was empty and gorgeous.

*^{Helens Bay With Reggie At Full Pelt}*

Fortunately, especially early in our walk, there were few other dogwalkers. Reggie the dog is gradually becoming more manageable with other dogs but he is over-enthusiastic and provokes fuss and bother. Amusingly, when he gets into a tangle with another dog, YS and his fiancé’s strategy is to run away as fast as possible – not to ignore the problem, but to lure Reggie away promptly. It sort-of works and some other dog owners found it funny.

YS’s Partner’s Pictures Of Reggie At Helens Bay

Finally, it being Christmas and all, we ate and drank well. YS had bought a selection of excellent beers with strange names from Boundary Brewing.

On the food front, a highlight, of course, was the Christmas dinner itself which included YS’s terrific pigs-in-blankets. We also feasted on a huge selection of local cheese that had been provided by YS’s next door neighbours in gratitude for tolerance in the last 6 months while they built a very substantial extension on the back of their house. (Hopefully, one day, YS and his fiancé will be able to build an extension too!). Then, on our last night, YS’s fiancé made a delicious prawn and orzo dish that I will try out at home.

^{A Full Plate Of Christmas Dinner – Lucky Us!}

It was a lovely Christmas. Three years ago, Covid broke the mould of the succession of Christmas get-togethers with all of Jane’s family at our house. Then, two years ago, we decamped to the Isle of Skye for a small family Christmas with those sons and partners without a baby. Last year was a relatively small affair at our house with sons and partners that focused on First Grandchild as much as Christmas. And now we have done Belfast Christmas.

Next year the plan is to host at our house all three sons and their wives, partners and fiancés plus what will be two grandchildren by then. It’s only a plan but it is clear that the time for extended 15 to 20-strong family Christmas lunch has, passed for us and, now I have retired and have no work constraints, I can envisage that we may be even more innovative in Christmas location and composition in the future. Long may that continue. Lucky us. Happy New Year!

Last Day In Ghent

October 25, 2023 / fgrtommo / 1 Comment

On the morning of our second and last full day in Ghent, Jane and I set off north again to the Museum of Industry. The sun was already shining again, the temperature was pleasant and we seemed to be finding, together, a good pace and combination of visiting the sights of Ghent and of casually taking in its atmosphere.

Gent is a significant industrial centre and, it seems, has been so for centuries. The museum focused on Ghent’s history in textiles and printing.

*^{Museum of Industry, Ghent: An Original ‘Mule Jenny’ Brought to Belgium Illegally From The UK To Spawn The Textile Industry In Ghent}*

There were working machines and technical descriptions but what was even more interesting were the accounts of peoples lives as the city’s industry developed. These were presented among relevant artifacts through short videos that I found very informative. This was an excellent museum.

*^{Museum of Industry, Ghent Including Some Very Large Looms And A Lot Of Old But Operational Printing Equipment}*

Following a quick stop for a revitalising coffee and off-the-beaten-track people watching at Peaberry, we used our trusty ‘CityCard’ to embark on a guided boat ride around some of Ghent’s waterways. The sun helped make this a very pleasant and novel excursion. The boat also took Jane towards another linen store that had been recommended at the Museum of Industry.

While she sought out the linen she wanted and then sat in another bar, I went off to visit the Bijloke campus.

*^{Bijloke Campus: A Mix Of Old And New}*

This campus is a monastery and hospital founded in the 13th century that is now a collection of buildings of various vintages that include the Ghent City Museum and a concert hall. I spent longer in the City Museum than I had planned – I found it very interesting and its contents dovetailed nicely into what I had learnt in the Museum of Industry earlier in the day.

^{Inside Ghent City Museum: The Monastery Refectory and Cloister}

By the time I got back to Jane, I was ready for a beer and planning for the evening. Guess what? More beer and another burger!

This time we ate at the Artevelde brewery and I cleared another item off my Belgian bucket list: drinking a sample tray of beers. All of the beers was good and the accompanying burger, almost overwhelmed by chips, was one of the best we had while in Belgium.

We had a final beer in the rather luxurious bar in our hotel. This time we got free beer and snacks courtesy of the fact that we had eschewed a laundry change during our stay – apparently a small encouragement to eco-practices pursued by hotel management. That was a nice bonus to round off our stay.

On our final morning, Jane did a bit more shopping while I took a farewell look at Ghent from the top of the Ghent Belfry (Belfort). Once again, the presentation of information – once I had found the way in – was very good. I was glad that I went early in the day though, since the stairwell was not built for crowds!

Our journey back to Brussels and then London and then home was uneventful. There was plenty of time to contemplate a very good city-break holiday and how, after all these years of going on holiday together, Jane and I have both compromised to find, I think, a good balance between sight-seeing and chilling out in cafes and bars. We must plan another.

Proper Baby-Sitting and Grayson Perry

September 21, 2023 / fgrtommo / Leave a comment

We have babysat First Grandchild (FG) a few times for short periods during visits to Edinburgh during the last year or so. It’s been a joy and a privilege to be able to do so. Plus we always enjoy visiting his parents and seeing Edinburgh.

*^{The Water of Leith From Dean Bridge – The Steep Gradients So Near To The Centre Of Edinburgh Still Surprise Me}*

Our baby-sitting responsibilities went up a notch at the beginning of September when First Grandchild’s (FG’s) parents went to a wedding of an old friend in Spain. Jane and I were thankful to be asked to baby sit for the 36 hours they were away but were unsure how the experience would go for us and for FG.

His other grandparents do a lot of babysitting and look after him all day on Thursdays. But it would be the first time that someone other than a parent would get FG up in the morning (twice), manage his afternoon nap (twice), put him to bed (once), plus feed, entertain and keep him safe in between. It was our first go at proper grandchild babysitting!

Eldest Son and his wife had departed in the small hours of the night. Apart from 15 minutes of full-on anxiety and yelling after he woke up that morning, and another five minutes of low-grade moaning after his first nap, FG was fine with the whole weekend.

*^{First Grandchild Exactly Where We Wanted Him – Asleep With His Monkey and Other Soft Toys}*

FG knows his routine down to the fine details: which soft toy needs to be kissed goodnight in what order, which book is the last book to be read before bedtime, which bedroom light goes on and off when. As long as we stuck to that routine and provided plenty of book reading, tower and garage building, and other activities at other times, he was very happy. FG, his parents in Spain and, certainly, the two of us, all had (tiring) fun.

Of course, we visited a few Edinburgh playgrounds and, as usual, the Royal Botanic Garden with FG while we were with him. The weather was kind to us and we were able to walk, to and from everywhere and around the gardens, at FG’s pace.

Like most kids his age he loves being able to take mini-decisions about what to do when and, as grandparents, we have the time to allow that. That Jane has had a motherhood bringing up three boys and then a career in providing parental advice to troubled mums and dads really helps. I learnt a lot from her about how to give toddlers options so they feel a semblance of decision making while the adults actually remain in control.

A highlight with FG was a trip to Portobello beach. We got there early so the crowds were yet to gather in large numbers in the sunny and warm weather. FG loves the outdoors and the novelty of visiting the coast. He loved wandering along the shoreline and collecting shells and other debris along it (and, in some sort of memory throwback to my own childhood, so did I). It was a great way to spend a morning.

*^{First Grandchild (FG) And Granny On Portobello Beach}*

Another morning with FG was consumed with a trip on the new tram service to and from Leith. FG was more concerned with engaging with fellow passengers willing to smile at him than with looking out of the window. He enjoyed the journey and a big vegan biscuit at Williams and Johnson Coffee Co. Leith appears to be an increasingly cool place to live and work and the tram extension is surely a catalyst for that.

Before FG’s parents shot off for their whirlwind jaunt to the wedding, we managed a good dose of art and culture by visiting The Scottish Gallery, a nearby private gallery we have visited several times before, and the National Gallery of Scotland.

*^{‘Folk At Heart’ At The Scottish Gallery, Edinburgh}*

The Scottish Gallery was showing a range of artists embracing traditional folk art. Although the gallery is quite small, there was plenty to admire. I particularly liked the woven baskets, the muted colours of some of the naïve style paintings and prints and, downstairs, the textiles by Jane Keith which were innovatively displayed given the compact space.

*^{Textiles By Jane Keith At The Scottish Gallery}*

The headline exhibition at the National Gallery was a substantial retrospective of Grayson Perry’s work. I’ve enjoyed Grayson Perry exhibitions before – notably the Summer Exhibition at the Royal Academy in 2018 and, more recently, in Bath. The latter was a small exhibition of his ceramics where Grayson explained the pieces in his own words.

Grayson provided the captions for each piece at the National Gallery exhibition too and, apart from the art itself, this was one of the most attractive features of the show. His art is very accessible anyway but his thoughtful captions alongside each piece were unpretentious, clear and highly explanatory of the themes that have dominated his work since he was a very young man and how they have developed in his mind.

*^{Examples Of Grayson Perry’s Ceramics, Iron And Tapestry Works – With Typical Intense Detail}*

From the first work – a plate he made in 1983 called ‘Kinky Sex’ – the irreverence of his approach and the courage of his anti-establishmentarianism came through. But rather than be just a series of bold, even brash statements, the exhibition and particularly Grayson’s own words, drew me into what I see the Guardian newspaper calls ‘a thrumming conversation’.

*^{Grayson’s ‘Tomb Of The Unknown Craftsman’ (2011)}*

Some of the pieces on show were beautiful to my eyes, some were rather ugly, but every one of them had something to say and was engaging in some way. Rather than say more here, this is a link to a video hosted by Grayson describing much of the show: Grayson Perry’s Smash Hits. Watch out for references to ‘Alan Measles’ who is Grayson’s (troubled) childhood teddy bear who, entertainingly, crops up in various guises throughout the exhibition.

*^{‘Kenilworth AM1’ (Including Alan Measles’s ‘Stunt Double’ In The Box On The Back)}*

The only downside to the exhibition was that, somehow, I missed the last room and exited prematurely. Nonetheless I thought it was brilliant.

As was the whole weekend! Proper baby-sitting was a resounding success and we look forward to doing it again (we are scheduled for a longer stint in April next year during another Spanish wedding trip).

Having said that, it was great to get home, slot into routines less driven by a 21-month-old, and have a bit of a rest in what remained of summer in our home and garden.

Fragmented Summer

August 16, 2023 / fgrtommo / 1 Comment

June this year was wonderfully sunny. The vegetables would have appreciated a little more rain but July certainly made up for that. Indeed, July and, so far, August have often felt autumnal and summer has only come in fits and starts. The sunny periods may have been intermittent but maybe that has helped us to appreciate the sun more on the occasions when it has shone on the unusually verdant countryside.

*^{Intermittent Bright Summer Sunshine On My Daily Walks Into Town}*

Our summer has sometimes felt as fragmented as the weather. The lack of any ties to school holidays and, much more recently, my retirement has meant that we don’t tend to book blocks of holiday through the summer months. As a result, we don’t have centrepiece diary commitments to schedule around. Instead, we have moved towards multiple shorter trips including those to our sons in Belfast and Edinburgh, plus a couple of day visits to Nottingham to check on my Dad during a period of ill-health.

^{The Wonderful Variations Of London’s Skylines}

Retirement means flexibility too. I was able a few weeks ago to piggy back, at relatively short notice, onto the back of a visit Jane was making to London to see a friend of hers. We could share the driving a bit and I caught up with an old friend of my own. I also took the opportunity to visit an exhibition of the sort that was part of my routine when we had a flat or sons in London. I miss those exhibition trips a lot. This one was a visit to the rather wonderful White Cube in Bermondsey.

*^{Anselm Kiefer At The White Cube Gallery, Bermondsey}*

I have been to this gallery several times and one of the most memorable visits was to see an exhibition by Anselm Kiefer. I wrote briefly here about that back in January 2020 just before Covid disrupted things. The monumentalism and scale of that exhibition is repeated in his latest works at The White Cube. I loved it and the White Cube spaces were perfect for it!

Kiefer’s works this time were based around the novel by James Joyce called Finnegan’s Wake. The novel is apparently (I’ve not tried to read it) a fractured mix of dream world and grim reality that deploys invented and combined words. The language of the novel is strewn across most of the works on show. While most of the phrases and sentences are nonsensical in this context, they added somehow to the mystery and sense of a dystopia as I moved from room to room.

*^{Detail From Various Anselm Kiefer Works At The White Cube Gallery}*

Goodness knows how the White Cube is funded – the exhibition was, as usual, free – and I fear removal of some of the works will require repolishing of the extensive polished concrete gallery floors. To be honest the huge piles of debris in a couple of the exhibition rooms were, for all their scale, harder to appreciate than the pictures on the walls. These were dense art works including rural scenes that worked for me close up and from observation across the huge rooms.

*^{‘Woman Will Water The Wild World Over’ By Anselm Kiefer}*

Those rooms were linked by a vast corridor stuffed with huge, dusty vitrines and crude floor-to-ceiling shelves full of… well, what were they full of? Just stuff! It was like walking through a museum of detritus but it was strangely compelling and all underlined by the sheer scale of the thing.

Another recent highlight has been a visit to Cambridge where I once – several decades ago – studied. I had not been back for quite a while and the reason this time was the wedding of my Best Man (BM). He lives nearby and we took up an Airbnb (which turned out to be outstanding) in his village and travelled into Cambridge twice: once for the formal registry element of the wedding and then again for a ceremony and reception held in BM’s and my old college, Peterhouse.

^{Our Outstanding Airbnb (Just the Left-Hand Portion Of The Building) From The Grounds}

^{Peterhouse Main Quadrangle and Chapel (Left) And My Old H Staircase In Gisborne Court (Right)}

The whole weekend was a delightful mix of ceremony, catch up with a few old friends and meetings with a number of new acquaintances – both local and international – who were very interesting and easy to talk to. They really helped to make the whole weekend event lovely. The event generated some nostalgia too as the reception dinner was held in the main Peterhouse Dining Hall where, about 50 years ago, I ate college meals every day. I didn’t appreciate the history or the grandeur of the college buildings half as much when I was living there as I did during this fleeting visit.

One other prompt for a less welcome bit of recollection was that Jane, and a few others at the wedding, contracted Covid there. Fortunately, I have avoided it again but it was a reminder that the pandemic was not long ago and that damned virus is still very much around.

During our stay in and around Cambridge, Jane and I went to Kettle’s Yard to see an exhibition of Palestinian embroidery over the last century that Jane had read about. Even someone like me with no real understanding of the intricacies of embroidery could appreciate the delightful patterns and muted colours of the clothing on display in the first room of everyday women’s wear.

*^{Palestinian Embroidery At Kettles Yard; Everyday Wear In The 1920’s}*

The exhibition went on to show more formal and more ornate wear and the way each local area had its distinctive styles and motifs. The exhibition then tracked the changes in Palestine embroidery brought about by history since the Second World War.

*^{Palestinian Embroidery: Formal Wear (1921)}*

First the United Nations Partition Plan for Palestine in 1947, the subsequent displacement of about 70,000 Palestinians, and then the 1967 Six-Day War all disrupted and then broke much of the cottage industry of embroidery crafting in the Palestinian villages. Enforced movement of Palestinians mixed up the local pockets of unique styling. Materials such as silks from France became unattainable and were replaced by cheaper products. Small handicraft workshops were often replaced by factories. The end results, outside of a few traditional, small-scale operations, became bland and almost garish.

Finally, following and during the Intifadas of the 1980s and 1990s the embroidery became a means of protest. The exhibition showed how the defiance of the Palestinians led them to incorporate the Palestinian flag into their embroidery designs as a symbol of resistance.

The exhibition was an interesting mix of video and clothing, and of art and history.

*^{Palestinian Dress Post Intifada With The Palestinian Flag Embedded In Designs}*

Back at home the advent of the new football season, together with the Women’s Football World Cup, is starting to take up time at Forest Green Rovers’ football stadium and in front of the telly.

*^{Evening Football At Forest Green Rovers – We Lost (Again) But It Was A Nice Sunset}*

Also, we have entertained Eldest Son, his wife and First Grandchild (FG) with a number of relatives who were keen to meet the little one. I had a great time with FG and my phone is full of video of him that Jane and I watch on repeat. Now we are looking forward to entertaining Youngest Son, his partner and some of their (and our) friends from their time in Australia. Then we are off to Ireland for another wedding. For a quietly retired chap like me, summer may feel a bit fragmented but it also feels pretty full!

Breaking the Routine – To Visit and Be Visited

June 11, 2023October 7, 2024 / fgrtommo / Leave a comment

After Jane’s Mother’s funeral early last month, we had visits from my Dad and my sister and then my Best Man (BM). A quiet week followed before we headed off to Belfast to see Youngest Son (YS) and his partner. I’ve written a lot about my retirement settling me into a new structure of daily routine but these visits were a nice break from that and forced changes to our settled pattern of everyday life – a beneficial shake up.

It had been quite a while since my Dad and sister had visited us. Whilst there have been no structural changes to the house or garden since their last visit, the garden has matured. The weather was largely fine and the garden was approaching its best in terms of colour and variety. This, despite the loss of several small shrubs and many of the ornamental grasses during the cold and wet of late Winter and early Spring.

We ventured out on a few short local walks together while my Dad and sister were with us. Unfortunately, the bluebells in the woods on the way into town were well past their best but there was enough to see and the strolls were pleasant and largely sunlit.

We also had an excellent dinner at The Woolpack Inn in Slad near Stroud (thanks Dad!). This pub was made famous by the poet, Laurie Lee and it’s a great venue to go to with visitors to Gloucestershire. On one hand it looks like what people typically envisage an old rural pub to be (the toilets are still outside!) and the atmosphere is intimate and cosy. On the other hand, it offers modern, excellent food, and smiling but unoppressive service. In addition, I had a really well-kept pint of India Pale Ale.

*^{Double Rainbow From Our Dinner Table Window At The Woolpack}*

Later in the week, the arrival of my BM, an old friend from university, was dominated by his exciting news that he is getting married. We met his fiancé, a lovely Chinese woman, in 2020 just before the Covid lockdown. After a lockdown apart, they are now together in Kenya and planning their wedding. It’s a lovely story of late life (for him, anyway) romance and we enjoyed catching up with that and the other developments in BM’s life during good food and long walks.

Our trip to Belfast was long awaited. YS and his partner bought a house there at the end of last year and we have been keen to visit it and them since then. YS wanted to settle into the house – and get the spare bedroom renovated – before inviting us. Then that invitation was postponed by YS and his partner taking on the responsibility for a large and lively puppy. We finally arrived to meet ‘Reggie’! He is a disruptive handful but they love him despite his chewing of the furniture and the digging up of the lawn.

The house is already great and has a lot of potential. I liked the local area, Ormeau, very much; it is a much larger residential area than I remembered with several roads with pretty Victorian terraces and later rows of larger, well-built houses. There are a smattering of attractive independent businesses on the main road and river walks and the Belfast Botanic Gardens and Ulster Museum are nearby.

*^{Inside The Belfast Botanic Gardens Palm House}*

We visited the Botanical Garden Palm House briefly but spent far longer in the Ulster Museum. This has a very diverse set of exhibits and attractions set in an airy combination of old and new buildings. Since YS moved to Belfast, I have focused more than before on articles and television programmes about Ireland but my understanding of its history remains thin; the museum provided a lot of reminders and filled in a lot of gaps.

*^{Inside The Ulster Museum With Porcelain Works By Frances Lambe And Nuala O’Donovan}*

As well as displays about Ulster and Northern Ireland history there was some beautiful craftmanship on show. Overall, it is well worth a (free!) visit and I’m sure we will go again.

The weather in Belfast was noticeably cooler than back in England but it was mainly sunny and clear; perfect for walks along the coast to the east of Belfast and around the green enclaves of Belfast along the Lagan River – both with and without Reggie.

*^{Walking With Reggie in Belvoir Park Forest, Belfast}*

*^{The Path On The South Side Of The Lagan Estuary}*

We were also able to leave Reggie so we could visit YS’s place of work in a renovated set of warehouses and factories in East Belfast. His offices weren’t open but we were able to sample a beer (and a few games of Bananagrams – YS loves games!) in the Boundary Brewing Taproom next door.

YS’s partner’s business (Restore Osteopathy) is more centrally located in the Cathedral Quarter. Here she practices not only osteopathy in a very attractive treatment room but also leads yoga and Pilates classes in two large, ideally suited rooms. It’s a wonderful space for what she does. Both YS and his partner have more than found their feet in Belfast.

*^{YS’s Partner’s Yoga Spaces And Treatment Room}*

Belfast itself is very lively and seems to have so much potential if only the politics would calm down and business could invest with even more certainty. It is a small city compared to London. But, like Edinburgh (which is about 50% bigger) it is a capital city, has some impressive things to see and is attracting increasing numbers of young people setting up new businesses.

Great coffee houses and interesting and enjoyable restaurants are popping up across the city. On this trip we ate at EDŌ where we had a welcome chance to catch up with YS’s partner’s parents (thanks for dinner guys!) and Waterman House. We breakfasted on trendy bread from an bakery (Bakari) apparently using Icelandic recipes.

*^{Waterman House Restaurant With A Large Painting Of Belfast By Colin Davidson}*

Being visited and visiting others disrupts our well-worn micro-routines. This is a good thing. Having YS ask us whether we want a beer at 4.30pm instead of waiting till our traditional 6pm drinking time is a good challenge. Not finding time to do the Quick Crossword at 5pm is actually ok for a day or two. Having to scrabble around in the depths of a cupboard for our sugar bowl for a visitor that takes sugar in their coffee isn’t much trouble really. Dealing with the issues of a new puppy is unsettling but helps to keep us on our toes. Seeing new places and finding out about them is always interesting. We should, and will, do more and I should avoid getting stuck in my ways.

My Retirement Journey

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Retirement