Visiting Two Sons

February 20, 2023February 20, 2023 / fgrtommo / Leave a comment

A couple of weekends ago we drove the 350 miles north to Edinburgh to get another hugely welcome dose of Eldest Son (ES), his wife and their delightful son. My dodgy back more than held up through the drives up and down, the weather was clear and dry, the electric car charging points we used were all working and available, and so both journeys were smooth.

*^{The (Long) Road To Edinburgh At Keele Services}*

Throughout our visit, First Grandchild (FG) was an unalloyed joy. He only had one 30 minute spell when he was tired and grumpy, but he is now old enough to be distractible and consolable. Whilst his parents have to deal with more of the everyday stresses and strains (and some very early mornings) than I can really remember from our own parenting days, they are settling into their own parenthood, married life and their flat; and FG seems to be loving life!

We had many little trips out with the little one including to the National Museum of Scotland and the Royal Botanic Garden Edinburgh. Both venues have become fixtures in our itinerary for every trip since they are both so toddler-friendly and free (while presumably relying in large part on donations).

We managed a trip out to South Edinburgh with FG, ES and wife to a lovely, relatively new café (Elliott’s) and we twice slipped into Spry Wine Shop and Bar which is, so far, my favourite bar in Edinburgh. Jane commented that being on our own in Spry felt like being naughtily awol from grand-parenting duties but we did babysit later to enable ES and his wife to visit the same bar one evening.

It was a lovely few days of catch-up, good food and of being able to see, first hand, First Grandchild’s developing physicality, brainpower and, perhaps most of all, his sense of humour. The videos we now play every day (sometimes multiple times a day) are those of him mucking about and giggling. As grandparents he is just an absolute treat and we are lucky to be able to see him every couple of months or so.

*^{Grey Skies Over Edinburgh From The Royal Botanical Gardens}*

We were able to visit Middle Son and his partner in Bristol shortly after our return from Edinburgh. A highlight was to be able to see, open/close and touch their new bedroom wardrobes. These were custom made by a craftsman cabinet maker from our village who is near retirement but who is very skilled and has done work in the past in our house. We are so pleased we could help make the connection to him. The wardrobes looked great.

We then all went to a very swish new Spanish restaurant called Paco Tapas which is run by an apparently Michelin starred chef (Peter Sanchez-Inglesias). His reputation and that of his kitchen clearly goes before him and brings in the crowds – the restaurant was packed despite a cost of living crisis and relatively high prices. Certainly the food was very good and some of the small plates were exceptional. I especially liked the lamb rump, pork ribs, patatas bravas and citrusy fennel. I also loved that I faced the kitchen where much was cooked over open flames in a way that provided a bit of extra theatre.

The restaurant was in an area of Bristol that I didn’t know on the south bank of the Avon estuary called Wapping Wharf. It was clearly once a heavily used port area. Large, old cranes still dominate the harbourside while rail tracks criss-cross the roads. There were still many boats on the quayside from modern cruisers (including one surmounted by a helicopter!), to small cargo ships, to The Matthew of Bristol which is a reconstruction of the boat John Cabot used to discover Newfoundland in 1497.

*^{‘The Matthew At Bristol’ And Princes Wharf Cranes}*

It was raining so we didn’t loiter but the wharf and nearby marinas, container-based shopping units and restaurants looked interesting and meriting another visit. Indeed, visiting the cities that our sons have moved to over the last year – Edinburgh, Bristol and Belfast – is one of our great pleasures these days. However, later this week we are taking a break from that cycle to visit Paris…… whoop, whoop!

Three Property Purchases and a Funeral

December 19, 2022 / fgrtommo / Leave a comment

Last month we went to a funeral for a very popular, lovely, family man almost 10 years younger than me. He had died suddenly leaving his family and friends shocked and bereft. It was an absolutely packed and emotional church service – he was a terrific guy who was enormously popular – followed by an equally packed reception. The whole occasion was very moving and I have thought about it a lot since.

Of course, the overriding feeling during the service and afterwards was sadness that it represented a life cut short, especially as he was so full of life, he had looked so well and was so obviously a vital part of his family, the organisation he worked for and his local community. However, the speeches and readings at the funeral were largely an uplifting celebration of his life. There were many amusing anecdotes and also a lovely poem by David Harkins that provided a positive slant on death that gave a little boost even in such a sad situation.

You can shed tears that he is gone
Or you can smile because he has lived

You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back
Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left

Your heart can be empty because you can’t see him
Or you can be full of the love that you shared

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday

You can remember him and only that he is gone
Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back
Or you can do what he would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

Into this mix of shock, sadness and a celebration of a life well lived, was a feeling of being the recipient of good fortune in that I am still here and reasonably healthy. I have seen three sons settle with three delightful partners and seen Eldest Son produce a wonderful child with his wife. And, this year, I’ve seen all three sons purchase homes with their partners that are each very different but which seem very well suited to each pair; a flat in Edinburgh, a terrace house in Bristol and a semi-detached house in Belfast.

Old age may bring aches, pains and worse but it is a privilege to have had longevity to be able to see our sons grow and establish themselves in the world, to be happy and to establish a platform into which they could introduce new life. As I stood in the crowded church at the funeral, I thought: lucky me.

*^{Late Afternoon Walk With Middle Son And His Partner Near Their New Home In Bristol}*

Even as Christmas approaches and we look forward to hosting our sons and their partners at various times over the Christmas period, Long-Suffering Wife (LSW) and I are starting to think about making the most of our time with a few trips next year. First, we want to get to Belfast to see Youngest Son’s new house but we will be trying to visit Edinburgh too and, I hope, spending smaller but more numerous fragments of time in nearby Bristol. Plus, after a few years of abstinence, we want to travel abroad again.

Meanwhile, I continue to potter through my local routine of walking, shopping, cooking, and working a bit for the local Climate Action Network and Food Bank. In recent cold, clear weather, the local walks have been a real treat.

Plus, of course, I have been watching a lot of football at the World Cup. Qatar may have been a crazy choice for a number of reasons but the overall quality of the football has been great. For all the concern about the Qatari views on LGBTQ rights and workers rights, it has been a pleasant change to see the joyous, ebullient crowds in the stadia in contrast to the thuggery and tears at Wembley at the Euros a couple of years ago.

My normal routine was also interrupted but enhanced by a trip to Lewes in Sussex. I tagged along with LSW who wanted to visit a specific shop called Freight there. It was a long way to travel for a shop but it was very much LSWs thing and Lewes is a very attractive town.

*^{Harvey’s Brewery And St Michael’s Church, Lewes}*

Harvey’s brewery is based in the town and the smell of hops was delightful as we walked down the high street. It is a smell that reminds me of my home town of Reading which was the home of Courage breweries in my youth. I love it.

After a very good value and pleasant lunch at Bill’s, LSW and I split up for a bit. While LSW surveyed the shops, I wandered around the town’s castle and gardens. The gardens are a bit bleak at this time of year but the weather was fine and the views from the visitor-friendly castle were pretty impressive in all directions.

*^{Views Of And Views From Lewes Castle}*

Since getting back home, the weather has been very cold and then surprisingly snowy. We had about seven inches of snow and it stuck around for almost a week. My Yaktrax Ice Grips allowed me to continue my normal round of walks to and from the local towns and the frost and snow made the local countryside en route even prettier than usual. A week of such weather is, though, enough in my book; I am looking forward to temperatures rising a little bit before Christmas.

*^{Frosty Weather In Nearby Ruskin Mill Valley}*

And so on to Christmas! Hopefully our sons and their partners will be able to avoid the issues caused by strikes and weather to make it down to us from their various new abodes. Then we can feel so lucky all over again…..

*^{A Cold And Not-So-Lucky Grey Heron In Ruskin Mill Valley}*

Onwards to Dundee and Edinburgh

December 4, 2022 / fgrtommo / Leave a comment

Having stayed a couple of nights at the small, tasteful and quirky Taybank hotel, Long-Suffering Wife (LSW) and I moved on and stayed for further couple of nights in Dundee at a large, modern Premier Inn. This was right on the Tay estuary, over which we had a great but very windswept view.

It was also conveniently close to the new V&A Design Museum outpost in Dundee. This is a wonderful building, designed by Kengo Kuma. The museum provides a video explanation by Kuma of why the museum looks like it does and that made it even more interesting for me.

The weather was intermittently very wet (dreich is the appropriate Scottish word I believe), so we went to the dry comfort of the V&A twice. We took in not only the standing exhibitions, but also the temporary ones including a very comprehensive and wide ranging one about Plastic: ‘The Remaking of Our World’. Fortunately that was every bit as interesting as the big exhibitions I have seen in recent years in the V&A London. It’s great that Dundee has such an impressive centrepiece.

*^{The V&A And RRS Discovery And Some Sun!}*

*^{V&A Dundee: Part Of The Plastics Exhibition}*

While in Dundee, LSW did start to eat again following the illness she had picked up from First Grandchild (FG) the previous weekend. However, she quickly regretted it and, with the rain still persistent, our movements were limited. Then, for a while, the weather relented and we did make it to the McManus Art Gallery and Museum. This is a lovely looking building exhibiting proudly the seafaring and industrial history of Dundee, its art and its most famous people. Then,, as the weather closed in again, we visited the Dundee Contemporary Arts (DCA) centre.

*^{The McManus Galleries, Dundee (And More Sun!)}*

At the DCA we saw an exhibition by Manuel Solano. He became blind after contracting AIDS and, incredibly, the exhibition contained just work that he had produced since losing his sight. Another interesting hour was passed out of the showers.

*^{Manuel Solano In The Big Spaces Of The Dundee Contemporary Art Gallery}*

While at the DCA we also saw Living, a new and very moving film starring Bill Nighy. He is perfect for the lead role and is supported by excellent acting all-round in a really lovely film. We both enjoyed it hugely.

It was great to have visited Dundee and to see a different Scottish city. The weather changed our plans of what to do there and the rain reinforced our impression that the car was king along the city’s coastline since we seemed to spend a lot of time getting wet waiting for the little green man lights and for the traffic to allow us to cross. But, given the tricky weather blowing in from the East, and given that LSW wasn’t fully operational, we did a lot of good things in Dundee.

*^{View From Our Dundee Premier Inn Room (When It Wasn’t Sunny!)}*

On our way back to Edinburgh via the coastal road around East Fife we had to take a couple of diversions to avoid flooding. We spotted the huge waves off the coast as we passed the famous golf course and lovely buildings of St Andrews and decided to stop at the fishing village of Crail on the easternmost coast of Fife to take a closer look. We parked and walked down pretty, narrow lanes to the harbour. As I rounded a corner to get a closer look at the breakers and take a souvenir picture, I was astounded to be instantaneously splattered by sea spray even though the sea was 40-50 yards away. It really was startling weather.

We drove on along the coast and stopped at a recommended coffee house in St Monans (The Giddy Gannet) where LSW managed half a scone. Then we pressed on and had lunch at The Ship Inn right on the coast in Elie where LSW watched me eat a tasty plate of fish and chips with all the trimmings. Then, with one of us rather more stuffed than the other, we set off for a final 36 hours or so in Edinburgh.

Remarkably given the pressures and events of the last few days, Eldest Son (ES) and his wife were entertaining again (with help from her Mum), this time to celebrate her Dad’s birthday. It was a lovely evening with, as usual, lovely food and a chance to meet one of ES’s new uncles-in-law and his wife. Gradually LSW and I are getting to know our newly extended family.

To round off a momentous and lovely week in Scotland, (lovely despite what viruses and the weather occasionally threw at us), we had a few hours with FG including a visit to the National Museum of Scotland. We had taken him there earlier in the year and he loved it again even though he was still recovering from his illness. I previously vowed to take him to this wonderful museum whenever possible when in Edinburgh and that vow stands; it is so exciting for him and, as he grows up, I think it will retain his interest (no pressure FG!)

A Wedding and a Birthday

November 27, 2022 / fgrtommo / 2 Comments

Amid much happiness, our Eldest Son (ES) and his partner were married a couple of weekends ago. Long-Suffering Wife (LSW) and I had a lovely time in Edinburgh celebrating this huge event with them. What made it extra special for us was that ES and his (now) wife pared down the events of the weekend to a very intimate affair. Everyone who took part was someone very close to the marrying couple. That meant that every conversation with everyone in attendance felt meaningful.

The Registry Office was a grand building with pleasantly decorated rooms and an overseer of the process who achieved the right balance of formality and relaxed bonhomie. First Grandchild (FG), was rather unwell but nonetheless, was well behaved, wasn’t sick on anyone’s dress and loved playing with the room’s long curtains. ES looked smart and the bride looked stunning. As they shared their home-made vows, my tears welled up; their personalisation of the exchange was really moving.

Later in the afternoon and well into the evening, a wedding reception was held at the married couple’s new flat. The flat looked great and was just the right size for a party of about 30 enthusiastic relatives and friends. A few of the latter were fellow new parents who brought contemporaries of FG which added to the lovely, informal conviviality. Everyone was very happy.

*^{Lovely Wedding Reception Table Layout In The Married Couple’s Flat}*

The mantelpieces and tables had been beautifully decorated and set out by ES’s new parents in law. The caterers knew what they were doing (they had been under close instruction from ES’s wife), the food was excellent, and the drinks and conversation flowed. FG was excited by the hubbub and rallied at the important moments to be giggling sweetness itself, despite his illness. The speeches were short and heartfelt and the intimacy of the event shone throughout. We loved it – not only the fact that ES was now married, but that he and his new wife (especially!) had organised what seemed to be an ideal way of doing it.

*^{First Grandchild (FG) Checking The Wedding Presents}*

On the following day, we refreshed with a sunny morning walk around the Royal Botanic Garden and then met up with a very small number of close relatives for a wonderful lunch at Timberyard. LSW and I had been there once before and had been very impressed by the food, decor and ambience. We were very impressed again. It was the centrepiece to another lovely day.

^{Walking In Sunny Royal Botanic Gardens, Edinburgh With Youngest And Middle Sons And Their Partners}

My Dad and sister went back to rest at their hotel. It had been marvellous that they had been able to come and they had made the most of their visit to Edinburgh by taking in a couple of art exhibitions as well as the wedding events. Meanwhile, LSW and I retreated to the Air BnB that we had rented for ourselves, our Middle and Youngest Son and their partners. There, we allowed our emotions to settle quietly in front of a second rate romantic comedy and assorted crisps. What a couple of days!

And then the fun went on! The Monday following the wedding was FG’s first birthday. Unfortunately FG was still unwell and relatively subdued but he enjoyed early use of some of the presents and a trip to one of the local playgrounds. Unlike him, we will remember his first birthday for ever.

*^{Wedding Cake Cleverly Converting To Birthday Cake (FG Loves Penguins!)}*

We left Edinburgh late that afternoon leaving ES and wife to ponder how to manage FG’s illness while both are holding down a job working from home on the back of little sleep. At that point we assumed that the conundrum they faced would be only for a day or two – it turned out to be another week. Oh, the joys of parenthood!

Meanwhile, LSW and I set off for Dunkeld on the River Tay, on the southern edge of the Highlands for rather more rest and relaxation than the newly married couple were going to get.

Task Oriented Autumn

November 9, 2022 / fgrtommo / Leave a comment

A few posts ago I mentioned that I had started going to a Mental Fitness For Men group under the auspices of Talk Club. Our local pub landlord has arranged weekly Talk Club sessions and I have made it to most of them since they started a few months ago. The sessions are of fixed format but the people who turn up each week vary so there is always something new to listen to as well as, usually, something new to say.

I’ve found the meetings useful in that they help me frame what I am grateful for and what I’m going to do in the next week to make things feel better for myself. However, I do often feel daunted by the lucidity with which most others in the weekly groups talk about the way they feel. In comparison I tend to fall back into talking about things I have done and things I’m going to do. I have explained to the group (and myself) that I tend to feel happiest when I am ticking off tasks on my to-do list but I suspect that I need to get deeper into how I feel about life rather than describing tasks.

Having said that, I have felt a certain contentment that, by and large, I have done what I said I would do over the last few weeks. The tasks have varied from raking up the scythed and strimmed grass in the meadow (into piles I don’t quite know what to do with), to harvesting the last summer crops and gathering seed for next year, to production of a string of documents I promised for the local Climate Action Network group that I belong to.

*^{Not Quite A Crown Prince Squash. Grown From Gathered 2021 Seed And Reverted From F1 Hybrid – Tasty Though!}*

Today, post-Foodbank duties, I am even finally managing to get around to making crab apple jelly which is a task that has been on my to-do list for a few weeks. Overall, October and early November has been a good month for tiny achievements amongst my retirement routine!

*^{Making Crab Apple Jelly – Tree -> Apples -> Straining -> Jelly! (First Of Two Batches)}*

There have been a few other high points recently. Middle Son (MS) and his partner have moved from London to Bristol – just 45 minutes away. That means that we will see them more often. For example, Long-Suffering Wife (LSW) and I were delighted when they popped over for an impromptu dinner a couple of Fridays ago. It was lovely to have a normalised drop-in-type arrangement with one of our sons rather than have to think about days packing, travelling and staying away from home.

Not that those sorts of visits are not welcome. We are off to Edinburgh again later this week and can’t wait to see First Grandchild (FG) again (and his parents!) for the first time in over two months. It’s going to be a special visit this time to celebrate not only FG’s first birthday, but also Eldest Son (ES) and his partner’s marriage. I’m so glad they have chosen a relatively low key way of getting married and celebrating that with a few close relatives. However, the event is momentous nonetheless and it will be lovely to have all our boys, their partners, my Dad and my sister all together with FG in one place at the same time.

We have also had some old friends come to visit us for a weekend. We have been rather poor at inviting people over for almost anything since the Covid pandemic; we seem to have just got out of that pattern of being. But it was great to see these long standing and close friends again. We had an active but relaxed time with them that culminated in a delightful walk in the Slad Valley and then an excellent lunch at The Woolpack (of Laurie Lee fame).

*^{The Slad Valley Near Stroud Between Autumn Showers}*

Much of the rest of the time in the last few weeks has been more routine. However, I helped to advertise a talk that our village Climate Action Network group arranged with the Parish Council on rewilding and the impact of climate change on our local trees. The theme of this talk, and a continuing series we have planned for next year, is ‘hope’. This is to counteract the inevitable descent into gloom if we consider and talk too much about the climate and biodiversity emergencies alongside other current preoccupations such as the war in Ukraine and the cost of living crisis.

The first talk in the ‘Hope Talks’ series was almost wildly successful. We have a hard act to follow as we go into next year. The talks themselves bring the village together and just the fact they happen adds to the resilience of the community and its cohesiveness. I edit a quarterly newsletter (another task done this week!) and submit articles to the monthly village magazine but these ‘Hope Talks’ hold out greater promise for conveying useful information while being a great relationship building mechanism.

*^{Our Learned ‘Hope Talk’ Speaker – Local Resident, Dr David Bullock (With Props)}*

Of course, other continuing elements of my recent retirement routine have been steadfast support of local football teams (Forest Green Rovers but also Shortwood United and Horsley United) and more of the Autumnal walks I talked about in my last post.

*^{Local Team Shortwood United In The Process Of Winning 5-0}*

The Autumn weather has been so mild and, until recently, so dry that the walks have been particularly pleasant. The colours in the trees have been changing quite variably from species to species. That has meant that while the reds and yellows have perhaps not been as spectacular as in some past years, the blending of different colours across the valley slopes has been very attractive.

*^{Local Walk Lined With Lime And Hazel Trees}*

I plan to keep up the local walks even as the winter weather closes in. However, I do also plan to reduce the number of discretionary, extraneous things I commit to in the next few months. At least that way I may be able to think more about abstract feelings rather than worrying about the state of my to-do list and the rate of knocking items off it. I may even resort to that old trick of adding things to the to-do list that I have already done…..

*^{Lovely Valley, Lovely Weather, Long Shadows}*

Seeing Football, Missing Football

September 15, 2022September 15, 2022 / fgrtommo / 2 Comments

To Long-Suffering Wife’s (LSW’s) occasional frustration, I have been careful up to now to ensure that our trips to Edinburgh to see First Grandchild and his parents haven’t clashed with home fixtures for my football club, Forest Green Rovers (FGR). I have a season ticket and, quite apart from my desire (obsession?) to see my team play whenever I reasonably can, I’m the sort of person that wants to get full value from my season ticket investment.

However, I am not going to be able to keep this up since First Grandchild (FG) has a birthday around a weekend when FGR are playing at home. Even football doesn’t take precedence over celebrating the end of his first year with us.

That birthday is in November but I am already going to miss another home game later this week when I am accompanying LSW to her long-weekend college reunion in Buxton, Derbyshire. I regret missing the game but, in truth, it is going to be nice to get away for a change of scene again given that we haven’t had a proper holiday this year.

In any case, I have just been able to engineer seeing an away game at Charlton in London during a trip ostensibly to attend my annual dental check-up and to fix a recently broken tooth. So, I have managed to keep up my support in person at a good number of FGR’s games so far this season.

Unfortunately, following promotion as Champions from English Football League 2 last May, this season in a higher league is a struggle. The scale of the clubs we are playing, the impressiveness of their stadiums and the quality of the football is all much greater than in the past. As a result, positive results have, so far, been hard to come by.

*^{A Minutes Silence For The Queen at Charlton Athletic}*

So, it was great that I was able to see us wobble through to secure a draw and a well-earned point at Charlton Athletic – one of the ‘big’ teams who were once in the English Premier League but who now have to cope with us in English Football League 1 (EFL1). Even better, I was able to meet up with a great Australian friend of Youngest Son (and devoted supporter of FGR) at the game and catch up, and sing along, with him. Based on the performance in our last two games, I remain hopeful that we can consolidate our position in EFL1.

*^{Edinburgh’s Inverleith Park: Picnic Panorama}*

More on my brief London trip another time….. Earlier, our August trip to Edinburgh was, as usual, lovely. It was, of course, great to see how much First Grandchild had developed since the last time we have seen him some 6 weeks or so previously. It was nice too to see how Eldest Son (ES) and his partner have settled into their new flat (including a newly decorated kitchen) and have got FGs sleeping at night more under control.

A major change since visits earlier in the year was that, whereas we used to take FG out in his buggy when it was time for him to sleep, now we take him out between naps to keep him awake. That makes the walks around Edinburgh more interesting for him and us. I can envisage that by the time of our next visit, FG won’t be so content to be in his buggy and will want to try out his embryonic walking skills.

*^{Aerial View Of Part Of The Royal Botanical Gardens, Edinburgh}*

We did our usual trip to, and around, the Royal Botanic Gardens. The gardens are interesting all year around and FG particularly likes the running water and waterfalls in the Rockery. For me, the highlight was the Kitchen Garden in front of the Botanic Cottage which was planted with wild flowers. The mix was varied cleverly throughout the planted space so that, when standing in the middle, the colour palette shifted as one turned around.

FG was much more impressed by our visit to the National Museum of Scotland. I’m going to love taking him here every time I get up to Edinburgh. For a small child, there is so much going on, so many buttons to push and so much movement. At this stage, FG seems more interested in the other children than the exhibits but I can see hours of fun ahead.

*^{National Museum Of Scotland, Edinburgh}*

We also had a lengthy walk to The Meadows to the south of Edinburgh centre. Because the timing of our trip coincided with the Edinburgh Fringe – a gathering over a few weeks of a staggering multitude of performance artists from all over the UK and, indeed, the World – the central streets and cafes were crowded.

The streets were also dominated by piles of rubbish because our visit also coincided with a strike by rubbish clearance workers in Edinburgh that had been going on for over a week. The huge piles of trash everywhere underlined how much rubbish we generate in a typical big city and how dependent we are on public services to hide the issue of rubbish disposal from our day to day lives.

Although the overflowing rubbish bins were not a great advertisement for Edinburgh (the workers dispute is now resolved), the city remains a great attraction for LSW and I. The architecture in the centre is stunning, the galleries and museums are befitting of a capital city, the area ES and his partner live in is close to interesting shops, and even the playgrounds we took FG to seemed better appointed but more accessible than average.

We are both looking forward to our November birthday party visit hugely – even though I will miss the delights of watching Forest Green Rovers play live!

Mental Fitness

July 21, 2022 / fgrtommo / 3 Comments

As I move into my fifth year of retirement I’m maintaining a pretty stable routine but also trying a couple of new things.

One new thing is signing up to an informal Mens’ Mental Fitness ‘Club’. This is under the umbrella of a charity called Talk Club. The roughly weekly sessions are arranged by the local pub landlord and a couple of his fellow facilitators. They are held in his pub on a day when it is closed and no alcohol is available. I’ve attended three sessions so far and it’s been an interesting, new experience.

Long-Suffering Wife (LSW) would say I’m a pessimist and she is often frustrated by my negativity. But fundamentally, I’m happy and recognise my luck in life. I wouldn’t consider that I have many mental issues yet (I just have political and environmental worries). However, the sessions force each participant to consider their feelings in ways that many men, and certainly me, rarely do.

How do I feel out of 10? Why is that? What am I thankful for? What am I going to do this week to improve the way I feel? Just about the only time I have historically thought about these things is when I am writing posts for this blog. Now I have another reason and outlet.

The mental fitness sessions require answering all these questions and listening to other participants as they relate their feelings about them. It’s such a simple, but different process from anything else I have done that it is surprising and freeing. It certainly feels invigorating – both the relating of one’s own thoughts and the feeling that you are helping others by listening as they relay theirs.

I’m going to keep up my participation whenever I can and am grateful that I live in a village with so cool a pub that it is trying the Talk Club sessions out. I may be more listening than talking at the moment but who knows when challenging issues might arise and that might change.

*^{Horsley Village Church (With Flag). I Love This Village}*

The other main innovation in the last few weeks has been that I have investigated helping out in the local District’s Foodbank (Stroud District Foodbank). I went along to an open event at the local warehouse to see the operation and meet the organisers. It is impressive, expanding and much (and increasingly) needed.

The whole tour of the facility was very interesting. Clients are starting to avoid deliveries of vegetables like potatoes because they can’t afford to cook them so the Foodbank are providing slo-cookers (remember those from the 80s!) because they are energy efficient. The paper bags the food deliveries arrive in are reusable but have detachable name tags so that clients that do reuse them don’t suffer any stigma from using the Foodbank. The Foodbank management have experience and know what they are doing.

My introduction to the Stroud Foodbank satellite ‘drop off centre’ is next week. I don’t know how much I can help but I will try to and then see how things go.

Involvement at the Foodbank may mean dialling back a bit on my local Climate Change Network efforts; I hope not since this week’s record temperatures underline the need to keep awareness of the Climate and Biodiversity Emergencies at centre stage. However, as I described in my last, Retirement: Five Years On post, my days seem strangely full already. Also, the football season is about to start and there are visits to our sons in Belfast, Edinburgh and (hopefully, soon) Bristol to fit in. Not to mention the squeezing in of Mens’ Mental Fitness evenings!

Meanwhile, Long-Suffering Wife (LSW) and I made another trip to Edinburgh last weekend to see First Grandchild (FG) and his tired but loving parents. We had a lovely time as usual. Eldest Son’s (ES’s) fiancée is a great cook, we always feel very welcome, and we had another chance to meet ES’s future parents-in-law which is always fun. Plus, of course, we saw FG again and were able to assess and enjoy his excitingly rapid development.

It is, of course, a slog to drive to and from Edinburgh – about 9 hours including the charge-up of our electric car. But what a treat the weekend was! We visited North Berwick to the east of Edinburgh where we tried out the well-tested seaside entertainments of fish and chips on the quayside and a walk along the beach. FG had his first fish and chip lunch – the first of many I’m sure – and the fish I had from the Lobster Shack was exceptionally good.

*^{Views Of North Berwick, East Lothian, Scotland}*

I revisited the excellent Barbara Hepworth exhibition at the Scottish National Gallery of Modern Art, this time with LSW. I again found it was an impressive chronological account of some of her best work. I’m not yet sure what exhibition will replace this or the Joan Eardley exhibition in the sister Modern Art Gallery over the road, but I’m expecting great things for our next or next but one Edinburgh visit.

*^{The Hands, Barbara Hepworth, 1948 (Painted As Part Of A Series Following The Illness Of One OF Her Children)}*

Perhaps the highlight of the trip was when LSW and I were entrusted to take FG out for a trip to the Botanical Gardens. We have done this before but, in the past, FG has napped throughout. This time he was wide awake and expecting some entertainment and there was some concern that he would miss his Mum (something called ‘separation anxiety’ apparently). We delivered FG’s entertainment by showing him waterfalls and rapids in the Rockery Garden and then by sitting near a crowd of Japanese children who were playing around a large picnic. FG evidently loves the idea of running water and the proximity of noisy kids; he was a delight.

We are already planning our next trip to Edinburgh and will also try to squeeze in a summer trip to Belfast. We also have another short trip to London in a couple of weeks, reprising an even shorter one a couple of weeks ago to attend a highly convivial family birthday party. It is those trips that help to sustain my mental fitness. I look forward to being able to weave that into my reasoning for my ‘feelings score’ at my next Talk Club Mens’ Mental Fitness group session.

*^{Impressive Antlers On Deer Finding Shade In Bushey Park Which I Was Able To Visit Prior To One Of LSW’s Niece’s Birthday Party}*

Retirement: Five Years On

July 2, 2022 / fgrtommo / 1 Comment

Five years ago today, I experienced my first day of retirement after almost 40 years of corporate working. I haven’t done a stroke of paid work since retiring and I haven’t regretted that for one minute. I have been lucky that my health has been good (I know a few new retirees who have not been so fortunate) and that earning and saving during my working life has meant that I could retire in my early 60s and still live comfortably (again, not something that is possible for all).

*^{Taking The Retirement Step Five Years Ago: Mr Archer Has Left The Building!}*

I have also been lucky in that retirement moved me more permanently to our family home in a lovely part of Gloucestershire but that I could also keep a degree of access to my London flat for a few years. That meant that I could wean myself off London cultural life gradually. That London facility has just been sold and now I am tied much more to Gloucestershire day to day (something that probably means Long-Suffering Wife is a little more long-suffering these days). However, while cultural exploits are now less frequent, the countryside here is highly alluring, the rural walks are delightful and the pandemic lockdown had already trained me to make the most of the local.

*^{Long, Local, Countryside Walks – A Great Retirement Treat}*

Five years ago, I wasn’t sure what to expect from retirement (that was one of the reasons why I started this blog when I retired) and there certainly have been some surprises along the way. The Covid pandemic has been a big one and that has curtailed a lot of the travel that I anticipated doing. Middle Son’s accident a few years ago was also completely impossible to anticipate and has taken a while to recover from. Now a needless world war is causing more widespread disruption in which to plan.

*^{Pre-Covid Travel We Did Manage: South Africa}* ²⁰¹⁸

Our sons’ locations have also been unpredictable and yet this has determined a lot of our travel. When Youngest Son was in Australia we went there (twice); currently he is in Belfast and we have visited there twice too. Middle Son remains in London so we have seen him there but we wait on tenterhooks as to where he will move to next and more permanently.

*^{Northern Ireland Summer 2021; (Typically Very) Early Morning Trip With Youngest Son}*

Meanwhile, Eldest Son is settled in Edinburgh with his partner and they have produced the loveliest retirement surprise – our First Grandchild – and so Edinburgh has become another regular destination.

As I did a year after leaving employment, I have gone back to the initial impressions I had of retirement which I set out after the first six months (here and here). To recap, the main personal lessons, in summary, were:

Work didn’t and doesn’t define me and I don’t miss it
There is plenty to do in retirement
There is still need for structure
Holidays (trips away from home) are more relaxing now
I miss London, but not as much as I expected
Summer Is A Good Time To Retire
Remember That Retirement Affects One’s Partner Too
Spend Time Getting To Know One’s (New) Neighbourhood
Don’t Rush Into Any New Big Time Commitments
Health, As Always, Is Critical.

Once again, I don’t see much to change or add to that. I have certainly found plenty to do in retirement and have enjoyed getting involved more in the local community, but a key attraction is that little has to be done in a hurry. Even though I have taken on a few commitments around the village, particularly regarding local climate action, and even though some of these have become quite substantial, the pace is much more relaxed. As in work, there seems to be much to do but, in retirement, most can wait until tomorrow.

*^{Our Meadow And Vegetable Patches: Varying Levels Of Untidiness}*

I have been able to create new routines and structures for my day primarily around walking, shopping and cooking. They help provide some balance between doing and doing very little that create a feeling of busyness but with a flexibility on timescales that is just challenging enough for me.

That flexibility is perhaps the most attractive thing. We can travel or not. I can offer to help with something or not (I remain careful not to promise things I can’t deliver). I can go out gardening today or leave it till later because Wimbledon tennis is on or it looks like rain. I can take a long walk because the weather is nice or I can sit and play a computer game for an hour or two. I can cook simply or take the time to explore into new cooking territory. I can go to a Forest Green Rovers away game halfway across the country or sit nervously alongside the radio commentary.

*^{Who Wouldn’t Want To Travel Halfway Across The Country To See The New Forest Green Rovers Away Kit?}*

The choices are more attractive than when I was working, the execution of those choices is more relaxed, and it’s been a very good five years!

Laughing In Lyme

June 23, 2022 / fgrtommo / Leave a comment

We had a great long weekend in Lyme Regis. Long-Suffering Wife (LSW) and I started our weekend by meeting up with Youngest Son (YS) and his partner in Bristol on Friday morning. They had stayed overnight in Bristol to check out the Bristol vibe and had found a café/bar adjoining a boutique hotel called Artist Residence Bristol. It was perfect; great breakfast, service and start to the day.

*^{Artist Residence Cafe/Bar In Bristol}*

We drove together down to Lyme Regis to stay in a flat overlooking the Harbour and the famous Cobb breakwater that protects it. The stay was the result of a successful charity auction bid a few months ago when our village raised almost £14,000 for the victims of the war on Ukraine. We had little idea of what the flat would be like but trusted that, given the owners had been so generous in offering the flat as an auction lot, it would be well appointed and comfortable.

That is exactly how it turned out and more. The flat was indeed well presented, well provisioned, homely and just right for the six of us. What was unexpected was the spectacular view from its windows facing Lyme Bay. We were in the tallest building around the Harbour and overlooked it all.

*^{View Of The Cobb From Our Flat For The Weekend}*

We spent the late afternoon over a late lunch (for me, an unnecessarily huge bowl of cheesy nachos at Swim) on the sea front and then walking around the town and along the seafront in gorgeous weather.

*^{Busy Lyme Regis Sea Front And A Big Arrow To Indicate Where We Stayed}*

YS picked up Middle Son (MS) and his partner from nearby Axminster station. While they freshened up in the flat, LSW and I set about pre-dinner drinks and a walk through the gardens overlooking the bay. We then met up together for dinner at Mark Hix’s The Oyster & Fish House. Again we had spectacular views across the bay and the food was very good (I just wish I had gone for the three types of fish for two people which MS and his partner shared, and which looked exceptional).

Next day, another substantial breakfast at Town Mill Bakery and Cafe was followed by a bit of crabbing by the youngsters. I thought the chance of catching a crab off The Cobb was small but it was amusing to watch the enthusiastic early efforts. I left for a walk along the coast to the west of the town and so missed the triumph that met capture of two crabs by both MS’s and YS’s partners. There were a lot of photos of smiles (I won’t share here to protect the innocent!) and talk of doing more crabbing with the remains of the mackerel bait on the following day.

*^{Superior Housing To The West Of Lyme Regis – Old, New and Strange}*

We joined up again for a walk along the east coast of the Bay. Landslips had destroyed some of the paths but we were able to go far enough to get proper exercise in before retreating to the Town Mill Micro Brewery (again!) for some well-deserved and lovely craft beers.

*^{The Jurassic Coast East Of Lyme Regis}*

*^{Land-slipped Coast And New Sea Protection Walls Just East Of Lyme Regis}*

The only downside during our time in the micro-brewery was being told that, in preparation for the following day’s crabbing the youngsters had left the remains of the mackerel bait with the crabbing equipment in our block of flats just outside the ground floor apartment. I felt a strong responsibility for making sure the neighbours of those lending their flat to us weren’t inconvenienced by rotting mackerel outside their front door. So I strode quickly back to the flat to move the crabbing stuff up to outside our flat door so at least we would be the only people who would have to put up with the smell.

I also picked up Heckmeck – a crazy dice game and one of our favourites and, as the weather drew in and it got appreciably colder, we moved to a tiny space indoors at the brewery for a rather noisy game.

Back at the flat we restocked the beer supply, opened a few and played a new game called Twin It! This team game is simple in concept but very fast moving and so stressful that we could only cope with one round. I can’t wait for an occasion to play again though. Fortunately LSW and I had time to calm down as the youngsters went off to pick up fish and chips from the renowned and family run Lyme’s Fish Bar and then we tucked in. One more round of Heckmeck rounded off a full and excellent day.

Our final day started with the niffyness of mackerel as we left the flat and then, once again, a large breakfast, this time at the splendidly located The Lyme Bay.

At some point during breakfast I learnt that, on the way to the cafe, the rotting mackerel had been discarded and crabbing was no longer on the agenda. Why the crabbing equipment hadn’t been discarded the previous day was unclear to me but what a lot of ‘wasted stress’ I had expended the evening before! Everyone seemed very amused at my discombobulation.

*^{Striding Out On The Coastal Path West Of Lyme Regis}*

Still, the lack of crabbing enabled time for one more walk along the coast before we headed off from Lyme Regis with some great memories and laughs in the bank. It was great to have spent a full weekend with YS, MS and their partners. Loved it!

*^{Overlooking Lyme Regis From The East}*

Friends, Family and Parochial Busyness

June 16, 2022 / fgrtommo / Leave a comment

Since retiring almost five years ago, I have frequently been surprised by how busy I have felt. Late May and Early June have certainly felt that way although, when I look back, I’m not sure why.

Certainly, I have done a one or two weeks of work on follow up activities relating to a Village Meeting that the local Climate Action Network group I belong to arranged with the Parish Council. And, ok, we have had visitors other than family coming to stay for the first time since the start of the pandemic.

We also had the festivities around the Queens Jubilee (though in our village, these only really stretched to installation of a new commemorative bench and, more engagingly, a four day beer festival in the village pub). We even hosted a long-promised but long awaited drinks event for a few locals in our garden. Plus we had a really lovely visit from our First Grandchild (FG), his parents and his other Grandparents. Oh, and the London Barbican flat that I used before retirement was sold!

*^{Village Pub (The Hog) Ju-Beer-Lee Beer Festival}*

Does that sound like a busy month?

In any case, almost all of it has been a lot of fun and, in the case of the work on the presentations of the summary of feedback from the Village Meeting, I feel like I have achieved something worthwhile for the greater good. I get to present most of it to the Parish Council next week so I hope they will feel the same way.

Lacing all these little events together has been the routine of shopping, cooking, gardening and walking.

Shopping and cooking has been marked by an uptick (in my perception, at least) in the frequency and innovation of my evening meal preparation. I am enjoying cooking more and more as I gain confidence in swapping out recipe ingredients for others to add variety and to use up vegetables otherwise likely to be wasted. ‘Important’ meals for most visitors usually remain the in the ambit of Long-Suffering Wife (LSW) but no longer is this a golden rule and my (in)famous Coronation Chicken (courtesy of Thomasina Miers) got an outing when my Best Man came to visit during the village pub beer festival a couple of weeks ago.

*^{This Coronation Chicken Recipe From Thomasina Miers Is Easy But Creates A Delicious, Colourful, Warm Salad}*

Gardening has been more fraught with the need to focus on the Village Meeting, days of relatively inclement weather, and early afternoon indolence combining to delay planting out of straggly, pot bound vegetable seedlings. Now almost everything is in the ground the slugs are having a better time of it, but at least my seedlings have a chance of producing something.

The local walks have been increasingly pleasant as the weather has improved on our way to the longest day and summer. Plus I have got real enjoyment from using a mobile phone app that identifies birds from their birdsong. The app is called Merlin Bird ID (although I understand from others I have spoken to that there are several alternatives). When I first tried it a few months ago, I wasn’t sure it was accurate. Now I believe it is and using it has begun to help me learn to identify birds before I even open the app and turn the recording/identification function on. It’s adding another pleasurable dimension to my walks in much the same way the app Candide did for me from sometime last year as I tried to identify plants as I went.

*^{Much Loved Sycamore At The Top Of Our Lane}*

LSW and I are off to Lyme Regis this coming weekend where, Covid permitting, we will meet up with Middle Son, Youngest Son and their partners. I’m looking forward to that – and the break in my (busy) routine – immensely.

My Retirement Journey

I've Retired! What Next?

Family