Funerals and Films

Hints of the wonderful summer just passed have continued to tinge our descent into autumn with further spells of warm and sunny weather in among the wetter, greyer autumnal days.

Wonderful Mid Autumn Day

View From A Neighbourhood Walk Today: Wonderful Mid Autumn Day With Beginnings Of Autumn Colour

My almost daily walks into the local town seem to have new colours to offer every day.  Although I loved my first full summer of retirement, especially as it was so marvellous weather-wise, I am now looking forward again to the difference autumn then winter brings.

Autumn Views On The Walk To Town

Autumn Views On The Walk To Town

The last couple of weeks have been relatively quiet as we have slipped into the cosiness of darker evenings in front of the wood-burner.  However, I have managed to fit in another trip to London.  Unfortunately, the prime reason for the visit was a funeral. In fact, I attended two funerals in two days – one in Gloucester, for a much-liked neighbour, and the other in Essex.  These were the first I had attended for a couple of years and I had forgotten how emotionally draining they are even when not for the very closest friends or family.

As in other activities, retirement has brought a new flexibility in being able to properly celebrate the lives of those who have died.  I was honoured to be invited and be able to attend both funerals and to hear recollections of both who had passed away.

The second funeral was for the father of my Best Man (BM).  I had met him and his wife a few times including at a couple of key life events: my university graduation and my engagement to Long-Suffering Wife.

Through a few quirks of coincidence, my marriage proposal to LSW took place at BM’s parents’ house about 35 years ago during a small get together with them and some close friends.  The details are a blur now.  But I do recall, with some embarrassment then and now, how the best laid plans ended up with me handing LSW some flowers and my proposal of marriage in the upstairs bathroom/toilet (that’s where BM and I had hidden the flowers!).  That wasn’t as romantic as planned but I also fondly recall us returning downstairs together with the flowers and beaming faces for the celebrations (highly justified as it has turned out!)

Attending these funerals has underlined for me the importance of doing at least some advance planning for these events so as to ensure that those likely to need to make the arrangements know one’s preferences.  In general, I don’t much care what happens at my funeral; I’ll not be there.  However, I am going to write down a few preferred dos and don’ts.  For example, I’d like cremation, a sustainably produced coffin, minimal or no religion, nice music, and pictures on the order of service.  I have some time, I hope, to set out my preferences but funerals (as if retirement hasn’t done so already) do bring home that life is absolutely finite; so I’m going to get on with writing down my guidance.

More positively, I have seen a few films recently.  LSW and I saw The Wife (very well acted, especially by Glenn Close) and A Star Is Born (tremendous entertainment and potentially Oscar winning performances from Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper).  Also, I saw First Man (excellent technical effects) with Eldest Son (ES) while I stayed in London with him.

Additionally, ES often treats me to off kilter, downloaded films when I stay with him and this time was no exception.  Last month when I was in London, we saw The Endless (compellingly memorable, thought provoking and strange) and saw You Were Never Really Here (just strange) this time.  I love cinema almost as much as ES so these times with him, when we see films outside of the mainstream, are a good joint pleasure to enhance my London trips.

Another positive has been my transformation of the fruits of our crab apple tree crab apple jelly.  The jelly is a rather unusual texture – even more jelly-like than normal. But, I did make it on my own, I love the colour, and its tastes great.  I’m pretty proud of it.  Here is a picture of the apples on the tree and the resultant jars of jelly.

 

2 thoughts on “Funerals and Films

  1. Hi Paul,
    Another great update on your retirement journey.
    Your thoughts on funerals hit home with me at this time as my step mother recently passed away and we organised her funeral. My father had been very specific about what he wanted which was very handy but my step mother didn’t and it was much harder.
    It was so hard that Janice ( my LSW) is creating a questionnaire for each member of the family ( reviewed each year).
    It includes the points you made around coffins and amount of religion but other points are:-
    – Flowers ( none, donations, colours etc)
    – Music ( this was the hardest). What music to be played on the way in, reflection and on the way out. This would be very hard for your family to guess for you.
    – Hymns ( if you are having them)
    – Who to invite and notify ( this was really hard when we tried to go through the address book and we weren’t sure if they were a friend or some random workman from 20 years ago!)
    – who to speak. My dad had asked his two best friends ( in advance) to speak.
    – who the executors are in the will ( I was both my fathers and step mothers which is ok given I am retired but it is very time consuming and requires a lot of organising).
    On a more positive note. Let me know when you are back in London and if we are around ( we spend quite a lot of time in Norfolk now) we can meet up again.
    Love your updates btw.
    Alan

    Like

    • Alan

      Thats really nice and supportive of you and such wise words. That questionnaire idea sounds great and thanks for the suggested categories.

      Yes, lets try to met up in London. I’ll message you separately about possible dates as they arise.
      Paul

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s